Into the Deep End
by Sardixiis
Summary: The McCord family had kept Jason out of the loop during Elizabeth's disastrous trip to Iran. They'd thought he was too young to deal with it. Now she's in his hands, and it's definitely not how his family would have liked him to find out. Knowing nothing about the water his mother is swimming in, he's suddenly thrown into the deep end with her. It's time to sink or swim.
1. Chapter 1

**Into the Deep End**

* * *

 _Author's Note: I honestly never thought I'd be writing for Madam Secretary. As much as I love the show, I know nothing about politics and have little interest in them. When I went back to re-watch season one I just couldn't help myself though. Hopefully you enjoy this story, and if you do, be prepared. I already have a second one in the works and it's going to be a doozy. I'm rather excited._

* * *

 **Chapter One**

It would only be an hour, probably less. An hour and a half in a worst case scenario. That was it. Nothing too catastrophic could happen in an hour and a half. That was the line Henry was trying to convince himself of at least. He knew full well that the world could go from at peace to on the brink of war in that time, but at the moment he wasn't worried about anything happening on a national or international level. All he was worried about was the homefront. Funny how a little trip to the grocery store could cause such a debate. After Iran though… leaving to go on a short grocery trip was rather complicated. He didn't want to leave Elizabeth alone so soon after being rushed to the hospital. While she was clearly trying to hold herself together, he knew she was actually falling apart. Little things were easily setting her off and her moods were unpredictable. That was not a combination that made him confident about leaving her. She wasn't herself and she needed his support even if she didn't think she did. If she triggered while he was at the store, she would be alone. Stevie was at work, Alison with a friend, and Jason… They'd all been keeping Jason sheltered from everything going on with Elizabeth. Of course Jason was more than smart enough to realize his mother wasn't perfectly alright. There was no way he was missing the changes. She was checking out too often and losing her temper more.

Despite all of his fears about leaving Elizabeth with only Jason for support, they needed groceries. It would just be an hour.

He headed upstairs to check on his wife. As long as she looked stable, he'd go. An hour. No big deal. She handled herself alone for an entire day in the far more stressful situation of work. It would be fine.

"Hey, babe," he said as he walked into their bedroom.

She was curled up in bed, still in her pajamas and comfortably reading. At least she outwardly looked like she was reading. The slightly glazed look in her eyes made him think her thoughts were far from her book though. He hesitated a moment, wondering if she'd even heard him. For once he hadn't needed to worry. Her head came up immediately and she smiled at him, though the light didn't reach her eyes. She appeared to be doing as well as she had been on any good day after getting home from Iran.

"Hey. I was feeling rather lazy this morning."

"Lazy isn't always a bad thing." Honestly, he thought being a little bit lazy would do her some good. She needed to relax. "I'm going to run to the grocery store. You need anything?"

"No. I'm good."

"Alright. I'll be back in an hour or two."

He kissed her gently and ran a hand through her hair. His eyes lingered on her before he turned away to head out. Everything was alright. She would be fine. Even though he kept telling himself that an uneasy feeling had settled into his stomach. There was no reason for it. None. He just needed to go and get his shopping done as quickly as possible. After jogging down the steps he stopped in the family room to talk to Jason. His son was, unsurprisingly, busy killing virtual people on his video game.

"Hey, bud. I'm heading to the store. You want anything?"

Jason was smart enough to know his dad was talking about anything that wasn't already on the list. He didn't even bother to look up when he answered.

"I could go with one of those cookie cakes."

Henry barked out a laugh. That was his son.

"Good try. I'll see if I can find you a more reasonably sized cookie. I need something from you first though, buddy." When Jason didn't even glance at him he called out a little more harshly. "Jason!"

Jason huffed, jabbed the pause button for his game, and turned to look at his dad.

"What?"

Henry let that tone go. They were all uptight after Elizabeth's trip. Besides, he needed Jason's help today and yelling at him now wouldn't make his son very willing to assist.

"Look after your mom for me, okay?"

"Yeah. Yeah, I can do that," Jason said earnestly.

"Good. Thanks, bud."

He patted Jason's shoulder in appreciation before heading for the door. Get to the store, get done fast, and get home. That was the plan. It was a simple plan, but that didn't make it any easier to walk out the door and leave his wife. As he stepped outside Henry sent up a prayer that nothing would go wrong while he was out.

O . o . O . o . O

Fifteen minutes after Henry had left Elizabeth gave up on her useless attempt at reading. It was a good distraction in theory, but in order to use it focus was necessary. Since she'd gotten back paying attention had become rather difficult. Reading for pleasure wasn't as much fun when she had to put so much effort into merely focusing. Tossing the book aside she decided she might as well take a shower and get dressed for the day. If she were lucky maybe she wouldn't get called into the office. One could only hope.

Elizabeth tossed a pair of jeans onto the counter and went to dig through her closet for a comfortable long sleeved shirt. She was just about to pull one off the hanger when a car backfired on the street outside. The loud, explosive noise made her jump and bump into the partially open closet door. Immediately her mind went flying back to the Middle East. Despite her growing terror, she might have been able to pull herself back from the noise even with the sound of gunshots from Jason's game drifting upstairs. At least she could have until the closet door ricocheted off the wall and back toward her, impacting with her back. It was barely a tap and definitely not hard enough to knock her over or even make her stumble forward, but after everything else the impact was too familiar. It was a precise strike on a point of stress, easily fracturing her already strained mind.

The room had just exploded and Fred's weight had landed on her back as he 'd tackled her. Full panic hit her, and Elizabeth couldn't breathe. All she could hear was the ringing in her own ears and the sounds of gunfire. She stumbled out of her closet, desperate to escape and unaware of her surroundings. For all she knew she was back in Javani's living room and not her own bedroom. Her legs couldn't hold her up, and she collapsed in a heap. On her hands and knees, trembling violently, she crawled out of the closet and pressed her back against the wall. Her breaths were coming in panting gasps as she wrapped her arms around herself and tried to press backward into the wall. Mind racing, she continued seeing the same event over and over. She was trapped, completely trapped.

O . o . O . o . O

Downstairs the sharp noise of the car startled Jason too. His head snapped toward the front door.

"Whoa."

A moment later he heard a thud from upstairs.

"What the hell?"

His eyes flicked from the front door to the ceiling. He had no idea what had caused either of those noises, but the one outside didn't matter to him. The security detail would handle that one. Inside was a concern. Jason abandoned his controller on the couch and leaned against the banister at the steps.

"Mom?" he called upstairs.

When he didn't get a response he went two steps up and called out again, louder this time.

"Hey, Mom? Do you know what that was?"

Again he didn't get any response. Maybe she was asleep? But he'd been calling loud enough that he had to have woken her. A trickle of unease ran through him, and he started up the steps again. As he headed down the hallway toward his parent's room Jason couldn't help feeling slightly hesitant. It wasn't like he wanted to disturb her, but he had to know she was okay. That noise could have involved her somehow.

"Mom?"

Jason knocked on her open door and poked his head in. At first he didn't see her, which made no sense. He knew she was home. His dad had just talked to her before leaving. If she wasn't downstairs this was the only place she could realistically be.

And then he heard it. Panting. Or heavy breathing. Jason's own breathing accelerated when he heard that. No longer even remotely hesitant he stepped more fully into the room.

"Mom?"

He scanned the room and absolutely froze when he finally spotted his mother. She was curled into a corner, wide-eyed and utterly panicked. At first Jason didn't know what to do. He'd never seen his mom like this. She was always so in control, almost obnoxiously so sometimes. This? This was about as far from in control as it was possible to be. Seeing her like this scared him, and he almost never admitted that he was scared. This terrified him so much that his heart felt like it was beating out of his chest. Something was very, very wrong.

"Mom! Mom!"

Jason raced across the room and dropped to his knees in front of her. She showed no sign that she heard him despite the fact that he was right there in front of her and nearly yelling. Her unresponsiveness absolutely terrified him. Physically she might have been there with him, but mentally he had no idea where she was. Not in the room with him, that was for sure.

"Mom?" Jason pressed, his voice shaking.

He reached out for her hands and gently peeled them off her arms, revealing the deep nail marks in the skin underneath. As he held her hands in his he could feel them trembling. He might have believed it was his own trembling if he hadn't seen her shoulders shaking too. Sweat beaded her forehead and when her eyes lifted to meet his they were wild. Jason almost jerked away in response. The person staring back at him wasn't his mother. It couldn't be.

"Jason?" Elizabeth's voice shook on the word, sounding both weak and hesitant.

Neither description was one that Jason would normally associate with his mother. At first she didn't sound like she was sure Jason was really there in front of her, but the next time she spoke there was no question in her voice, just an order mixed with panic.

"Jason, get down!"

Elizabeth lurched forward and tackled her son to the ground, completely startling Jason. He tried to push her up and off of him, but she continued to hold him in place, protecting him with her own body.

"Mom? Mom, what are you doing?"

"Stay down! Stay down!"

Utterly lost as to what was going on and completely unsure what to do, Jason did as he was told. It was like his mom thought someone was trying to kill them both. The problem was there wasn't any threat. At least not one that he could see.

"Stay down, Abdul."

Who? Jason stared up at his mother, but her eyes were squeezed shut. He may not know what was going on, but it was obvious his mom needed help. Somehow he was going to have to get her that help.

"It's okay, Mom. It's okay. I'll stay down. You just stay here," Jason insisted as he squirmed out from under her weight. The words came out less reassuring than he'd wanted them too. Either they were good enough anyway or she hadn't heard him and had checked out again because Jason managed to escape her hold. She didn't seem to notice he was even gone.

Jason scrambled toward the door on his hands and knees until he managed to get to his feet and take off. He ran in all out panic toward the steps, moving so fast he nearly tripped halfway down them and had to lean on the banister to keep himself upright. Once steadied, he continued his mad dash. He grabbed his phone off the couch's end table and thumbed it on. His hands were shaking so hard that he could barely find his dad's name in his contact list. When he finally did he clicked the name and held the phone to his ear.

"Come on, come on, come on," he chanted as he paced around the kitchen.

His dad had to pick up. Jason couldn't just ask the security detail outside for help or call 911. While he didn't care all that much about his mother's political career, he didn't want word of her mental breakdown (or whatever this was) to get out to the media. He did not want to deal with the inevitable mess that would bring, and right now his mother didn't need to deal with anything else either. If anyone would know what to do it would be his dad.

" _Hey, Jason_ ," Henry said as he picked up the phone a moment later. He was about to ask if Jason had thought of something else he wanted from the store when his son completely cut him off.

"Dad! Dad, Mom's lost it!"

Jason sounded like he was completely out of breath and bordering on near hysteria. His words left Henry at a bit of a loss. It had only been twenty minutes! Jason had to be overreacting. As much as Henry tried to believe that line of reasoning an icy finger of fear had crept in. For Jason to be reacting like this something very wrong must be happening, even if it was an overreaction on his son's part. He hadn't heard his son sound like he was deathly afraid since he'd been nine.

 _"What? What do you mean? Slow down and tell me what's going on."_

"Mom's lost it and I don't know what to do!"

Since when did Jason ever admit to not knowing what to do? Henry quickly stamped down on his fear and tried to put it out of his mind for the moment. Fear wasn't going to help him right now. If he wanted to help Jason, and therefore help Elizabeth, he needed to stay calm and think clearly. He was also going to need more information.

 _"You're going to have to be a little more specific than that, Jason."_

"She's curled up in a ball, shaking and terrified of something that's not even happening! She's not talking sense!"

A shudder ran through Henry, and he closed his eyes. Elizabeth had had a panic attack, possibly even a PTSD episode. He was in the middle of the grocery store and at least twenty minutes away even if he abandoned everything he was doing right then. Jason was going to have to step up until Henry could get home. It was sink or swim.

 _"Alright, buddy. I need you to listen to me. Are you listening?"_ Henry said, keeping his voice steady and even to calm Jason.

"Yeah."

 _"Good. Your mom's having a panic attack. I'm going to need you to help her until I get home. Understand?"_

"But Dad, I don't know how to do that!"

Jason's panic had returned, and Henry had to quickly talk him back down.

 _"Jason, breathe. I'm going to tell you how to do that, okay? You have to calm down though. That's the only way you're going to be able to help Mom."_

Jason nodded, not quite thinking clearly enough to realize that his father wouldn't be able to see the action, and managed to bring his breathing back down to a somewhat normal level. When Henry heard that, he continued.

 _"There should be a prescription bottle in the drawer of the table next to our bed. See if you can find it, alright?"_

"Yeah, yeah, okay," Jason replied as he jogged up the stairs, phone still pressed to his ear. "What if she tries to tackle me again?"

 _"What if she…?"_ Elizabeth had _tackled_ Jason? What the hell was going on at home? Whatever it was he would have to wait until later to find out. It wasn't necessary right now. Getting Elizabeth her medication was. _"No, never mind. You can explain that later. Just do whatever you have to, to find those pills."_

Jason paused outside of his parents' room, swallowed hard, and peeked around the corner. Elizabeth was curled up basically right where Jason had left her. Maybe he could just slip in without her noticing him. That was probably doable. It looked like she was back in a catatonic state anyway. He slipped inside and darted to the table as quickly and quietly as he could. Thankfully his mom hadn't seemed to notice his arrival. After opening the drawer he poked around for a moment.

"I don't see anything," he told his dad. "Hang on. Let me try the other side."

Not wanting to risk drawing his mom's attention by getting too close, Jason rolled across the bed. His eyes darted toward his mom, but she still hadn't given any sign she'd noticed him, so he started digging through the other drawer. It was quickly apparent that there were no pills in this drawer either. He shoved the contents around even harder, desperate to find something that wasn't there.

"Dad, they're not here! I can't find them!"

Despite the fact that he was whispering, Henry could hear the rapid panic in his son's voice. He was using all of his self-control to keep his voice down. There was some positive in that. At least he was thinking and not letting his fear completely rule his mind.

 _"Jason! Keep your head in the game, kiddo. Panic isn't going to help your mom. Now, she could have thrown them in her purse before work yesterday. Do you see that anywhere?"_

"Um… no. Nowhere."

 _"Alright, try my office downstairs. She leaves it there sometimes."_

Jason didn't need to be told twice. He scrambled off the bed and ran down the hallway for the fourth time in the last half hour. He headed right for his dad's office and found his mom's purse immediately. Normally he would have taunted his father about the fact that he'd previous told Jason a man never went through a woman's purse. It had been part of their "talk about how to treat women" thing that Henry had felt necessary to give him. There was nothing normal about this situation though. Jason kept his mouth shut and dug through the purse for all he was worth. The second he spotted the orange bottle his heart nearly leapt out of his mouth in excitement.

"I got them!" he nearly shouted into the phone before he realized how loud he was being and lowered his voice. "Now what?"

 _"You make sure your mother takes one. Then you stay with her until I get there. Understand? Stay with her. Talk to her. Try to calm her down. Keep telling her that she's home now, that she's safe, that it's over."_

"Over? What's over?"

 _"I'll explain that later. Go to your mom. I'll be home as soon as I can."_

"Right. Don't ask any questions. I'm going. I'm going. Just… come home fast, Dad. This isn't Mom."

 _"As fast as I can, buddy."_

Jason jammed his phone in his pocket, filled a glass with water, and headed up the steps again. Now that he actually had a way to help his mom he felt a lot calmer. Until his dad came home he was the only one his mother had. His dad was right. He needed to step up and help her.

"Mom," he near whispered as he walked into the room.

She'd been staring off into space so even the whisper caused her to jump. Her eyes snapped to Jason. While he could see the white all the way around at least they looked clearer.

"Just breathe, okay?" Jason tried to soothe her, using what his dad had done to try and help him over the phone. "Dad's going to be home soon."

She nodded her head in response, but it was a jerky near teeth rattling nod. It nearly broke Jason's heart. His mom had always been so strong. What could have happened to her to bring this out? He had to try to do something to bring this fear down. She shouldn't look like this.

"Here, take one of these, okay?" he asked as he tried to press the pill bottle into her hand.

Elizabeth just tried to shove them back into Jason's hands. So far she'd completely avoided taking one. Even now, when she knew she was teetering on the edge of a complete breakdown, she couldn't talk herself into doing it. The constant ringing in her ears was engulfing her and making it so hard for her to think. Rationality wasn't really in the picture.

"No! No, I don't need them. I… I need…"

What did she need? Elizabeth honestly didn't know. She just needed everything to go back to the way it was before Iran. Before she was so messed up.

Jason could see her starting to spiral toward panic again, and he had to put a stop to it. Without thinking further he grabbed her shoulders. She flinched slightly, but Jason tried to ignore that. He couldn't deal with the thought that his mom was afraid of him at the moment. It would prevent him from doing what he had to do.

"Mom, Dad said that you should take them. Just… Please? Please just take one of the pills?" he pleaded.

Tears came to Elizabeth's eyes. Her son was pleading with her. Her big, brave boy was afraid. Afraid of her. She was supposed to take care of him, to protect him, and she was failing terribly.

"Jason…"

Seeing her wavering Jason said, "Please, Mom. For me?"

It worked, and she reached out for the bottle. Jason was all too willing to hand it over. Elizabeth's hands shook violently as she worked at prying off the cap. She just couldn't seem to get a good grip on it. Jason watched for a moment, struggling with the fact that his mother couldn't even handle such a simple task in that moment.

"Here," he told her as he gently covered her hands with his own. "Let me do it."

He'd been expecting an argument, an insistence that she could handle it herself. Instead she willingly surrendered the bottle. Jason popped the top and poured a pill into his hand. He figured if he'd let his mom try to pour the bottle herself all of the pills would have wound up on the floor. It was simply easier this way. Silently he offered the pill to her. She managed to get a hold of it after a few tries and shoved it in her mouth before she could drop it. Jason offered her the water next and kept a hand near hers as she drank. Her hands were shaking hard enough that he was worried she would spill the water all over or drop the glass entirely. She managed without any major catastrophe though, and he took the glass and set it aside.

Without a word Jason wrapped his arms around his mom, holding her in a gentle hug. Elizabeth tried to relax into her son's embrace, but Jason could still feel her rapid breathing. He was pretty sure he could feel her heart pounding too.

"It's going to be okay, Mom," he reassured. "It's going to be okay."

When he released her he found his mom's cheeks stained with tears. The sight sent a knife through his chest. He'd seen his mother cry once or twice before, but this time hit him so much harder. Gently, he brushed his fingers over her cheeks, wiping away the tears. She'd done that for him so many times when he'd been little. It didn't feel right to be doing it for her. While he was totally willing to do it, he shouldn't have to wipe tears from his mom's face. Nothing should have hurt her badly enough for that.

"I'll be right back, okay?"

She nodded in understanding. Jason stood and ran from the room. There was no loose blanket in his parents' room so he was going to have to get one from his. A quick stop in his room produced one, and he hurried back. Kneeling in front of her again he tucked the blanket around her shoulders. Hopefully it was relatively clean. He really couldn't remember if he'd accidentally spilled something on it since it had last been washed. Of course he had no idea when that had last happened either. It looked clean enough, and she wasn't really in a state to notice if it wasn't anyway. Once he had the blanket settled he sat down next to her and wrapped an arm around her shoulders like his dad did all of the time.

"You're safe at home now, Mom. Dad's on his way home. He'll be here soon."

Jason kept up a quiet run of words to hopefully keep his mother calm. Whether it was the words or the medication, something was working. Elizabeth was at least breathing more normally now. Some color had come back into her face, which was good since the stark white had been unsettling. She still looked somewhat pale though. Her trembling had dropped a little bit too, but Jason could still feel the vibrations against his shoulder. She was definitely improved, but he didn't like the fact that she was silent. Nothing he'd said had drawn any kind of reaction. That didn't stop him from continuing to talk to her. Maybe something he would say would bring her back. It had to. He really needed his mom back.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter Two**

Henry was pushing the speed limit as hard as he could for the entire drive home. Elizabeth needed him, and he was going to get to her. Until he did the vice around his chest wouldn't loosen. His imagination wasn't going to stop running away until he got home and talked to Jason and Elizabeth. Even with his imagination he couldn't come up with a legitimate reason for Elizabeth's sudden spiral out of control. She hadn't even had to deal with anything stressful that morning. No work, no speeches, no political maneuvering, no international crises. Nothing. Beyond what had caused the situation, Henry was struggling to understand just what the situation was. How bad was Elizabeth and how much of what he'd heard was only exaggeration due to Jason's panic? He could get home to find his wife a raving lunatic based on what his son had described. If that was the case he didn't care what the political outcome might be. He was going to get her the help she needed. Saving her reputation (and the president's) wasn't worth her mental health. He would blow up her political career in a second if that were the only way to save her sanity. Hopefully Jason had gotten her to take her medication.

Jason…

What was this doing to his son? He was only thirteen years old. They'd carefully kept him away from any details about his mother's trip. Henry had even managed to prevent him from seeing the Face the Nation airing. Jason knew nothing about this, and yet he was watching his mother fall apart. He was old enough to have realized long ago that his parents were only human. They made mistakes and weren't unbreakable. That didn't mean Jason was prepared to see Elizabeth beyond even her worst. Jason might think of himself as an adult and believe he didn't need his parents to help him and care for him, but that didn't mean he was ready to take on the role of caregiver himself. Of course no adult was ready to become a caregiver to their parent. It shook the foundations of their life, and Jason's foundations weren't just shaking. Half of it had basically shattered and fallen away. There was no way he was ready for that. Henry was confident that his son would pull himself together as best he could for his mother's sake, but he also knew when all of this was over he'd have more than a mess with Elizabeth to clean up. He'd have to deal with Jason too.

As he turned onto their street fear for Elizabeth returned to the forefront of his mind. Since that first phone call he'd received no news on how she was doing. He had to hope that that was a good sign. If Jason hadn't been able to calm Elizabeth down or if she'd gotten worse he would have called back. Henry kept reminding himself that she had to be at least a little bit better as he drove the final feet to the driveway. Once he was there he jammed the car into park faster than he probably should have and flew out of the door like a bat out of hell. The security detail stationed outside the house startled at his abrupt arrival. He ignored them even though he knew his behavior would make them think something bad had happened. It had. Henry simply wasn't going to waste the time explaining anything to them. This wasn't a situation they could help with. Maybe once he had Elizabeth settled he would come back out and talk to them, try to figure out what had triggered his wife so badly. For now though they could wait. Elizabeth couldn't.

He took the steps leading to the front door two at a time and had barely set one foot in the house when he was calling out.

"Jason!"

He had no idea where anybody was and wasn't going to waste the time looking.

"Upstairs!" Jason called back.

Henry moved up the stairs as quickly as he could. It was only as he got close to their bedroom door that he slowed down. The last thing he wanted to do was scare his wife as he came in. Slowing down allowed him to hear the soft voice drifting out of the room.

"Dad's here, Mom. Dad's here now."

Henry found the two of them curled up in a corner. Elizabeth was wrapped in a blanket and had her head resting on Jason's shoulder. She looked, well, dazed. He wasn't sure if that was because of the medication or shock. His eyes met Jason's for a second before he turned his full attention to his wife. After kneeling down in front of her he stroked her cheek, trying to draw her attention.

"Elizabeth? Babe?"

At first she didn't respond, but as he continued stroking her cheek awareness started coming back. Her eyes flickered, and she lifted her head off Jason's shoulder.

"Henry?"

She reached out hesitantly, hand trembling. Henry quickly wrapped his hand around hers and kissed her knuckles. In that moment he was reminded of how she'd looked in the hospital when she'd finally admitted that she wasn't alright. He'd hoped to never see that look on her face again.

"Yeah, babe. I'm right here."

Tears immediately filled her eyes and she threw herself at him, completely trusting him to catch her. He did and hugged her to his chest. The simple tears turned into sobbing. Elizabeth clung to Henry, face buried in his neck and fingers twisted into his shirt. Henry began rubbing her back in a circular motion, hoping to soothe her.

"I've got her, Jason. Thanks buddy."

Jason watched his mother, face twisted in pain. Henry could read the worry in his son's eyes, and the longer Jason watched her, the clearer the worry and pain became.

"Jase, I'll be down to talk to you in a bit, okay?"

"Yeah. Okay, Dad."

Without a word of protest Jason pushed himself off the floor and left his parents alone. His mom was in good hands now, and there were some things he wanted to do before his dad talked to him.

Henry watched Jason go as he continued to rub Elizabeth's back and kiss her head. His wife was always so strong, but when he felt her thin shoulders shaking against his chest he was reminded of just how much she took on and how much she kept inside. She had been through too much lately, and there was no more room inside of her to store it.

"It's okay, babe. Just breathe. Breathe."

She hiccupped and held tighter to him.

"That's not breathing, babe." He patted her back and loosened his hold on her. "Come on. Deep breath in, hold it, and back out."

Elizabeth heard him, but being able to listen to the words and actually following them were different things. About the last thing she wanted to do was pull away from him, so she simply clung tighter when he let go. He was her rock right then, and she couldn't stand without him. She did _try_ to slow her breathing down, but it came out more as gasping.

"Try for me, Elizabeth," Henry encouraged, knowing that would be all it would take. She'd done much harder things for him before.

Nodding she pulled back enough that she wasn't leaning against him, but she still kept her hands clenched on his shirt.

"Okay. Okay," Elizabeth answered as she brushed her tears away.

"Good girl. Now breathe."

She nodded again and focused on evening out her breathing. With Henry as support she was able to do it, though it took a long time. Henry simply waited patiently, allowing her all of the time she needed. When he was pleased enough with her breathing he stroked back her hair, causing her to open her eyes.

"Much better."

"Thank you," she whispered.

"Always. Now, where do you want to talk? In bed or the bath?"

Elizabeth laughed weakly in response.

"I haven't even managed to get out of pajamas yet."

She might have been trying to change the subject and put Henry off the prospect of talking, but he wasn't going to let that happen. They were going to sit down and talk whether she wanted to or not.

"That doesn't eliminate either choice."

"I just want to be near you," she insisted then.

"That doesn't eliminate a choice either," Henry laughed in response. Well, if she didn't want to decide he would handle that part for her. He got to his feet despite the fact that she'd tried to continue clinging to him.

"Come on," he said as he held out a hand to her. "You can take your bath when I talk to Jason."

Elizabeth wasted no time taking Henry's hand and letting him pull her to her feet. She pressed into his side, still desperately needing his touch. Henry had no intention of letting her go either. He guided her toward the bed and settled himself against the headboard first. She quickly followed him, settling into his arms and resting her head back against his chest. Instantly she relaxed. It was the best place in the house and where she felt safest. For a while Henry just help her against him, continuing to soothe her. When she released a contented sigh and snuggled further against him he knew she was calm enough that he could talk to her without risking an immediate collapse. Still, he didn't want to push too hard so soon after she'd calmed down. He wasn't going to touch on what had triggered her yet.

"I'm really proud of Jason," he said.

"Yeah. He's a good kid. I don't know what I would have done without him today."

She had probably scarred him pretty badly today too, though hopefully they wouldn't be lasting scars. Elizabeth stayed silent and played with the seam of Henry's t-shirt. She didn't want to think about what the last hour might have done to her son. Henry was willing to let her stay silent for a little bit, but if he started to think she was brooding he would be putting an end to it. Before he had the chance to even consider it Elizabeth broke the silence herself.

"Henry? I'm sorry."

That surprised him, and he wrapped his arms tighter around her.

"Hey, you don't need to be sorry. You just need to talk to me. _Talk to me_. Tell me what happened."

She reached up and held his arms where they were wrapped around her. If she was going to go over this again she was going to need him as a very solid anchor. Good thing he made a good one of those.

"I don't even know, Henry. There was some sort of loud noise. A bang… a…"

As she struggled for the right word to describe it Henry simply filled in the blank for her.

"Something that sounded like an explosion."

"Yes," she answered weakly. "I would have been alright. I would have! But then something hit my back and it was too much like Fred."

"When he tried to keep you safe," Henry confirmed.

"Yes."

Her voice was starting to sound teary, so he pressed a kiss to her temple and tightened his hold on her.

"And when he landed on me after he was killed," she added so softly that Henry almost didn't hear her. "I just kept seeing it all again and again on endless repeat."

He knew that Fred's death still bothered her, but it wasn't something they discussed. Of course it wasn't like Elizabeth talked much about any aspect of her trip or the bombing. Hopefully she was talking to her therapist about it because it really wasn't happening here. He wanted it to though. He wanted to be able to help her through this.

"Babe…"

He stopped when words suddenly spurted out of her in a rush.

"That was one of the worst parts, you know. Him lying there on top of me. I knew he was dead. I knew. And I could see his face, Henry. His head was lying right next to me. That whole time I was trapped there, pinned under him, I could _see_. And…"

She was nearly choking as she tried to hold back her sobs and the flood of emotion.

"Shh. Okay. Okay," Henry soothed.

He loosened his arms so she could twist around and wrap her arms around his neck. Once she had he returned to holding her and rubbing her back. He'd never wanted her to have to experience death that up close, only a few inches away from her. Something like that was bound to leave a mark, and it certainly had. As her breathing slowed and the sound of quiet sobs faded away, Henry rested his cheek briefly on top of her head and then kissed her hair.

"Elizabeth," Henry began once she'd quieted for a little while. "Fred…"

"Died doing his job," she cut him off. "I know. Did you know that he'd told me once that he'd lost one Secretary of State and wasn't going to lose another?"

"No, but I could see him saying that. Your safety was his first priority, and he took his job seriously."

"He probably would be happy he saved my life."

"Of course he would. Even if it cost him his."

"It did cost him his…"

Henry brushed her hair away from her face and tipped her chin up so he knew she was looking at him.

"Listen to me, babe. He did his job. He would be proud of that. You're alive because of what he did, and for that I will forever be thankful to him. Just keep remembering what you told me: that he would be happy he could save your life."

"I try to."

"Good. Keep trying. It's not going to get better all at once."

He leaned in and gave her a quick kiss. She smiled at him and stole another longer, deeper one.

"So I'm not going to get any amazing religious philosopher advice to make this all better, huh?"

Henry chuckled softly.

"Nope. Just Henry advice, though I could probably come up with some other quotes if you'd like."

"No. I'm good. Henry advice is pretty amazing on its own." She fell silent for a moment and her expression sobered again. "I don't know what I would do without you," she admitted.

Henry fully understood what she meant. He would have a hard time without her as well, and that was something he'd definitely thought about since she'd left. It wasn't what she needed to hear now though. What she needed was some levity.

"Ah, you would manage. You always do. It just may not be as stylishly since you wouldn't have your arm candy."

His quirky smile made Elizabeth laugh. It was exactly what she needed to start loosening up again.

"You are pretty damn handsome."

"Better believe it. Now," he said as he squeezed her arms, "are you feeling good enough to handle a bath?"

"I'm sure I could manage."

"Good. Now I don't care if you need to start having an imaginary conversation with me, just keep that day out of your head."

Elizabeth gave him a light swat in response.

"Like I'm not crazy enough right now without having imaginary conversations."

"You're not crazy, babe. You're just hurting. It'll go away. I promise." He kissed her forehead. "But if you'd rather, plan us a meal for tonight instead. A good one."

"Do I have to cook it? Because that seriously makes it far less fun to plan."

"No, babe," Henry laughed. "I'll handle that."

O . o . O . o . O

Henry paused on the last step and watched his son. Jason was curled up on the couch, his laptop resting on his lap. So far Jason hadn't noticed him, which was good. He'd known how to handle Elizabeth, but he had no idea what to do about Jason. After today his son had scars too. They weren't as wide or as deep as his wife's, but he still needed to address them.

"Jason."

His son was off the couch like a shot.

"Dad! How's Mom? Is she okay?"

"Easy, buddy." He wrapped his arm around his son's shoulders and led him back to the couch. "Mom's fine. She's calm and enjoying a bath."

"That's it?! She's calm and enjoying a bath when less than an hour ago she was acting so nuts I wouldn't have believed you were talking about my mom if you'd described it? What the hell, Dad? What's going on? I looked up the name of the medicine you had me give her. It's for anxiety. What does Mom need a heavy duty anxiety pill for?"

Of course Jason had looked up the name of the medication. Henry really should have expected that. Thankfully Jason knowing his mother was on something for anxiety didn't make it any more difficult to explain what was going on. Not that it was all that easy to being with.

"Your mom saw some things on her last trip that were unsettling," Henry explained.

He still wanted to protect Jason from most of the details of Iran. It might have been over, Elizabeth might have been home, but the truth of what had happened (and all of the "could haves" that went with the trip) could still give Jason nightmares. They still gave _Henry_ nightmares sometimes.

Unfortunately Jason wasn't buying what his father was trying to sell him.

"She saw some things," he said, his voice dripping skepticism. "So how did she end up with stitches just by seeing things?"

That took Henry aback. They hadn't shared Elizabeth's injuries with any of the kids. Not even Stevie knew about the stitches. It hadn't been necessary to tell them. So how?

Apparently Jason could read the shock on Henry's face because he answered the question Henry wanted to ask before he could even ask it.

"I felt them on her back when I was trying to calm her down. I looked at it after. That was a lot of stitches!"

"Jason! Jason!" Henry cupped his son's face and stroked Jason's temple with his thumb. He'd already dealt with one meltdown; he didn't really want to make it two. "She's okay. It's mostly healed already and the stitches are supposed to come out in a few days. Okay? It's nothing to worry about. She experienced some bad things, but she's going to be fine."

"I know things in Iran were crazy while she was there. The coup was happening and she was even staying with that guy that got killed, but what could she have possibly seen or experienced that was that much worse than what she's already seen? She used to work for the CIA!" Jason demanded.

Henry's mouth dropped open and stayed that way. Jason knew about Iran. How the hell had he found out about Iran? They'd been careful. Both he and Elizabeth had thought they'd shielded Jason from it completely, and he knew the girls wouldn't have mentioned anything.

"How do you…?"

"Oh come on, Dad. It was all over the news for days. I couldn't find out that much, no real details, but what I found was enough. I can't believe you actually thought you could hide something like that from us."

At least it didn't sound like Jason knew he was the only one in the family that had been kept out of the loop. If he did know they would be having a whole different argument. That was one Henry definitely wanted to avoid.

"I guess I should have known you would figure it out by yourself. You constantly have your nose in places I would rather it not be."

"Well, yeah, because that's where the interesting stuff is. So what happened?"

"Someone that she knew got killed, Jason. Pretty close to where she was."

Again with the vague answers. Jason wasn't going to accept that answer. It didn't explain anything.

"Not to make this sound weird or anything, but a lot of people Mom knows have gotten killed. Even when that prince she was friends with since school was killed she didn't lose it."

She'd been upset, sure, but quietly so. A little more withdrawn, but not psychotic. Today had been pretty psychotic. So what was different? A terrible thought occurred to him, and Jason's eyes snapped to his dad.

"Someone wasn't trying to kill Mom, were they?"

"No. No. Nobody was trying to kill your mom," Henry replied as he stroked Jason's hair to try and calm him again. "She was trying to stop someone from killing her friend and causing complete governmental destruction. She managed to prevent the destruction and coup, and saved a lot of lives, but she couldn't save her friend and one of her security friends died too."

"Oh."

"Exactly. She's still trying to deal with all of that."

"Is there anything I can do to help her?"

"Not much, buddy. Just act normal, be there, don't fight with her. Maybe give her a few extra hugs. There's no miracle cure."

Jason nodded. He could probably do that, though his mom was managing to push his buttons more than usual lately. He would try to check himself when he wanted to respond. For her sake.

Both Henry and Jason glanced up when they heard water running through the pipes above them. Elizabeth must have been done with her bath.

"Hey," Henry said as he pat Jason's arm to draw his son's attention. "I'm proud of you, bud. If you hadn't been here I don't know what would have happened with your mom. You were the rock she needed today. Thank you."

Jason offered his dad a shy smile in response to the praise.

"I'm going to go check on your mom. We'll be down in a little while."

"Sure. Go ahead."

After squeezing his son's shoulder Henry headed upstairs to see how his wife was doing. He found her in the middle of drying her hair, so he leaned against the edge of the door and simply watched her. She looked relaxed, which he was happy to see, and as an added bonus she looked absolutely beautiful dressed only in a pair of jeans and a bra.

"Enjoying the view, Henry?" Elizabeth asked as she set the blow dryer down.

"Immensely."

He took two steps into the bathroom and wrapped his arms around her. She kissed him warmly and settled against his chest.

"How's Jason?"

"He's fine, babe. A little worried about you, but fine."

She sighed and absently rubbed his back.

"I wanted to protect him from all of this. _You_ wanted to protect him from this. Instead I gave him a front row seat to the worst of it."

"He already knew about some of it, babe. We can't keep everything from him. He's a smart kid. He'll just figure it out himself."

"God, Henry, what have I done to him?"

Jason had been hovering just outside the door since he'd heard his parents talking about him. He'd wanted to check on his mother himself and hadn't been able to resist listening in. Staying on the sidelines wasn't happening anymore. Not after his mom's question. Unnoticed by his parents, he moved to stand outside of the bathroom.

"You've made me stronger and taught me to keep trying even when it's hard and you want to give up."

His parents twisted around to look at him, both of them clearly surprised by his sudden appearance. Jason purposefully ignored the fact that his mother was only half dressed. That was one thing he definitely didn't want to think about.

"Jason…" Elizabeth whispered.

"You haven't hurt me in any way, Mom. Today wasn't fun, okay, yeah, it pretty much sucked, but it's not news to me that you're human. You needed some help. I don't mind you telling me about this stuff if I can help." He paused for a second and then smirked, breaking the seriousness of the moment. "But if you really feel that bad you can get me the new Playstation that's supposed to be coming out next year."

At first Elizabeth was completely touched by Jason's words. Her little boy was growing up, and she was so very, very proud of him. Then of course his personality just had to come out. It reassured her more than anything else that he was okay. She burst into laughter.

"Nice try, buddy," Henry laughed.

Jason shrugged.

"I figured it was worth a shot."

Still chuckling, Elizabeth grabbed the sweater she'd set aside to wear and pulled it on. Once she was fully dressed she held out her arms to Jason.

"Come here, you."

Grinning, Jason happily stepped into his mom's open arms. This was the mother he knew, and he was so glad to see her back. When he pulled away from her he could see the pride in her eyes. It felt good to see that directed toward him. She smiled softly at him and stroked the side of his face.

"How did you grow up to be such a great kid?" she asked.

"It had nothing to do with you guys, trust me," Jason teased. "I was just born awesome."

He'd barely finished speaking when he caught the look his father was shooting him. Henry was clearly not happy if his narrowed eyes, pinched face, and dark expression were any indication.

"Kidding! Kidding!" Jason insisted as he held his hands up in a sign of peace. "But I _was_ born awesome."

"That you were," Elizabeth agreed. "But we'd like to think we made you a little more awesome."

"Okay, well, maybe a little bit."

Henry snorted and pressed his hand to his son's upper back to usher him from the room.

"Come on, kiddo. Let's go downstairs. Your mom was busy planning a meal for tonight that should befit your awesomeness."

"She's not cooking it, right?"

"No," Henry and Elizabeth said together.

"Well _that's_ a relief."

"Are you sure we should be describing him as awesome?" Elizabeth asked Henry as they all headed down the steps.

"I don't know. We may have to reevaluate that."

They both carefully kept their expressions neutral as they enjoyed Jason's reactions. It was just way too much fun to tease him. Jason rolled his eyes at them and groaned before flopping onto the couch and pointedly ignoring them.

Elizabeth and Henry smiled at each other.

"He is pretty awesome," she whispered.

"Oh yeah."

Especially after everything he'd done that day. Definitely awesome.


End file.
